My Story

January 12, 2016

Pain is a warning. It’s what you feel when you stub your toe or when you hit your head on the doorway because you’re a 6’7” basketball player. Pain is what your body does when there’s something wrong.

And it’s what I experience every day.

But first, let me back up nineteen years. I was born. (Duh.) But the circumstances leading up to it are… intense, to say the least. If you were watching a movie of my life, I think you’d most likely be on the edge of your seat. At least, I’ve been on the edge of my seat for my life.

My parents almost lost me twice; the first when my mom started bleeding during the pregnancy, and the second time happened when I was (trying) to come out and be born into the world. Oh, and there was actually a third time, which happened when I had to have heart surgery at only two days old.

But I made it through.

Fast forward to the present-day. Remember my lovely metaphors for pain at the beginning of this post? Well, it just so happens that I’m well acquainted with the wonderful thing. In fact, I don’t think I can remember a time where I didn’t have pain.

I’ve had headaches ever since I can remember, though they started becoming very noticeable when I was 7. It took us a long time to figure out what was wrong. I went to so many doctors, more doctors than I can count. Some of them helped. Some of them didn’t. Some of them told me things about how messed up my body was. None of them had any answers.

After a long period of waiting, I was diagnosed with fibromyalgia two years ago, in March of 2010. Ever since then, it’s been tough.


Basically, fibromyalgia is basically like feeling sick all the time. Some days are better than others, but I have to manage what I do. If I "overdo it" by physically exerting myself, I end up "down" the next day. Because of this, I have to think about what I do before I do it. (Sometimes I don't. This ends badly.)

Headaches are another thing I deal with. Along with that comes jaw pain. This flared up really badly in December of 2011. In February of 2012, I had my first orthodontic consult which told us that I had a jaw misalignment and needed braces. Who knew, right? Many months and a lot of ups and downs later, I’m a proud graduate of braces. While my jaw still hurts sometimes, braces did help.

I also have PCOS—polycystic ovarian syndrome. This involves irregular periods, hormonal imbalance, and weight gain. (Since fibromyalgia makes it hard to exercise, this is fun.) It's my Achilles heel, and it's something I deeply wish I didn't have. Even though it doesn't seem like it affects me, it does--in so many subtle ways. I'm on birth control to help with the PCOS symptoms. Without birth control, I honestly don't know what I do. It helps make the PCOS easier to manage. PCOS isn't gone, but it is a little more quiet.

I'm sensitive to gluten and corn. Basically, if I eat bad things, my body hates me. I've been on a gluten-free diet for a few years now. I also did go through a period where I ate no sugar at all. That was the worst.

Currently, things aren't too bad. I've had some rough patches in my life, physically and emotionally. At the moment, I'm in a good patch. I'm able to write, go out into the world, and babysit. However, I have to really monitor what I do (and some days are much worse than others). If I walk too far or too long, my body hates me. If I don't sleep enough, my body hates me. If I try to do anything my body wants me to do... well, I think we've established that it hates me. (Also, if it's my time of the month, I will probably be feeling absolutely terrible for about a week. Just as a heads up.)

Despite this, I've managed to survive. I've managed to live my life. Yes, my life is somewhat hampered because I have fibromyalgia. But it is not ruined. And that's what matters.

“The way I see it, life is a pile of good things and bad things. The good things don’t always soften the bad things, but vice versa the bad things don’t always spoil the good things and make them unimportant.”

- Doctor Who, Vincent and the Doctor

I'm going to be using this blog to document these good and bad things... the ups and downs. If you need to talk or want to guest post, drop me a line. My biggest desire is to create community with other chronic illness sufferers, especially those who are young. It's hard to be in the prime of your life and to feel like you're missing out. I get it. I want to walk this journey with you. It sucks, but it's not impossible.

We may be young. We may be sick. But we are not alone.

Love,
Sky

You Might Also Like

4 comments

  1. <3 <3 <3

    the way you describe fibromyalgia is perfect. it's daily pain, daily stress, daily exhaustion. my own family doubted for about a year if I was really in that much pain and emotional distress. things are getting better now, but having to go through all that was the hardest thing I've ever had to do. but like you said: "Despite this, I've managed to survive. I've managed to live my life. Yes, my life is somewhat hampered because I have fibromyalgia. But it is not ruined. And that's what matters." that really is what matters. fibromyalgia sucks, because there are so many things we have to be careful about, but that doesn't mean we have to stop being human beings. we can still live and be happy, and that's the important thing to remember. :)

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thank you so much for commenting, Ely. It's so hard, but there are so many good moments amidst the pain. I totally agree with everything you said. ♥ Sending you love!

      Delete
  2. Hey, Sky! I'm so behind on commenting because I've been out of town but I just had to tell you how much this blog means to me. I don't think I have it quite as bad as you, but I can absolutely relate with so many things. I have that basically feeling sick every day of my life thing, chronic headaches, and some intense periods. I also have to manage basically everything I do and will absolutely be "down" the day after I do anything too exerting.

    It's so, so tiring and discouraging having our lives ruled by our health and not being able to just do what we want, normal, every day activities. But, on the other hand, I also think it helps get us closer to God and enjoy and appreciate every day things that others take for granted.

    I so hate you struggle with health problems, but you are using it to glorify God and encourage others (like me) who sometimes feel alone. Thank you so much for stepping out and creating this blog! *hugs*

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Hey Christine!

      No worries about being behind; I totally understand. I'm really glad this blog means something to you!

      I firmly believe that everyone has their own struggles, so your struggles are completely valid (and not worse or better than mine, just different). I am so sorry you're going through that. It's so hard, especially when you don't know what's wrong.

      I do agree. I have learned to be thankful for things in a deeper way due to my illness.

      Thank you so much for commenting. I'm just really glad this blog spoke to you. ♥ Let me know if there's ever anything I can do to help or if you just need to talk. Sending you love, dear friend! ♥

      Delete